What The Mayans Knew.

Welcome to a very dark and conspicuous episode of "What The *insert extinct race* Knew". It's the only one today, so sit back, chill and be groovy. Today's post is sponsored by the Scooby Snacks Inc; If you ain't got scooby snacks, you ain't worth jack. The Nestle Co; because Cadbury chocolates stinks and Apple Inc; because they have Jews. It's going to get very biblical in here, if a bush combust spontaneously, just run....ain't anything biblical about running around with the only cloth covering your extreminities on fire. Cause let's face it, your nude. Eww much? Let's not stray.

Now, I may not be a believer of many things divine or undevine, dead or alive (mostly dead because Zombies are bad-ass); but when it comes to conspiracy theories, im on the fence with that one. Humans learn to lie and hide the only berry for the winter way before they learnt how to walk. And if my next door neighbours can keep their 'deadly' hobby a secret than I guess conspiracy theories can be undertaken by animals as well. Because we all know, cats are secretly drilling....but that's purring isn't it? To hell with purring cats are drilling...for gold...The lost world of Atlantis! To China, because we all know China cats are bad-ass .You haven't been high unless you saw a communist cat chasing you with a flag.

Before I stray once again. What did the Mayans knew. Foremost, they're the pioneers of winter fashion. Why, they're the first civilization that walk down cat walks and parade wolly mammoth skin. That's where the first papparazi was invented as well, only they were sketching. Yes, sketching, shit loads of paper and pencils. Anorexia, Mayans as well. They had loads of anorexia, it was the in-thing! Man, women, babies, cats even sticking their fingers down throats and feel the spiritual experience that is vomitting and looking the worst of your lives.

Of course at that point of time they had language and they spoke to each other with the cunning use of coughahhmclearthroat. Again let me go back to the topic for today. What the Mayans knew. Obviously, they knew Earth was going to get f*cked, and that's why they're dead. They knew earth was gonna hit the bucket, but no idea when so they all died. Just like that. Why'd you think they're called the lost civilization, cause they all got lost and died. Yes its true, heard i on the news today on me way to uni. No, it's not true. Yes, it is true. No im just kidding. I don't know, think they had the cold or something, it was called anorexihachoo.

But I do believe that they predicted the end of time, it was easy at that time..all they had to say was "The Earth it's going to die, not now but soon. Like hundreds and thousand of years to come". They left the guessing game to us. And I know, that the world government know that it is coming. That's why they built a dark, scary, black, spooky, old women like vault under a huge thick layer of ice where it is now called "THE VAULT OF HELL!". No im just kidding, but seriously, there is a vault and it's under a thick sheet of ice somewhere off Netherlands. It's called the "Doomsday Vault". Picture very related; here is where all the Leaders of the world converge, smoke a bit of weed, drink abit of VAT69, get high and finally see a communist cat.

Despite having the most ridiculous and not the most discrete name for a thing of such importance such as Adolf Hitler (who is a shit-head as a leader, but a groovy person. Had the privilage of playing a benjo with him once). This vault (which I swear looks much bigger on BBC), is not for keepin weed, wine, Russian girls and obese leader. Because we all know if you put leaders of the world such as Gadafi and Fidel Castro together, there won't be much space for foul-play. No no, on the contrary, this vault is more keeping our most important commodity in the world (not drugs you Netherlanders), it is more keeping seeds. Seeds of famous and important people in the world! Seeds from Queen Elizabeth i heard.

Well not really, it seeds from agriculture plants such as soy beans. So we have a vault that caused billions of weed-smoking tax payers, in a cold place, deep underground. Im not quite sure whats right with the picture or if the techy who invented this idea was smoking weed, but HELLO GLOBAL WEIRDING! Whole place will melt and it'll be a mess. But I guess if someone retarded like yours truely have thought about melting, im pretty sure they got that covered.

So, once again. We have a fault nickname Doomsday, built in the freaking coldest place on Earth, under kilometres thick ice, filled with seeds. That is one huge greenhouse. But why? Why people of the world! Why, would anyone build a vault for seeds if ever Doomsday were to come......won't all of us be like...i don't know...DEAD! Well maybe when this whole thing blows off, whoever decided to wipe the Earth will sit there and say (with Opium in one hands), "Oh shit giggles, my bad. It's the wrong manual! I thought you said the red button, not the blue one haha! Can we start over? No..okay =(. Let's pack up than". And the other guy whose James Bond (just cause his awesome) says to the other guy who is some guy with a long hair, "Don't forget the opium mang!" And all of these happened through Blackberry Messenger. It's true.

In all seriousness, im pretty sure something is coming for us. It could be a man in a suit with a long hair with a Blackberry in one hand and Opium in another. But nobody builds a vault for nothing. With that, I leave you with an "Oh, I wasted 10 minutes of my life" feeling, and a knowledge that never dies being yes, it's a vault. Where's the pub?