Despite of all the healthy hoopla they add into their 'programme', if makes you feel like you have been sodomised by a doctor whose degree and name is so freaking long, you can barely stick it on a door. BA.Hos, Bsc, Bea, Dea, Cia, FBI all kind of degrees there to seduce you into a friendly procedure, but all his doing is forcing a tube in your BUTT! IT'S NOT FUN!
What I did there was basically simple. I sat in a room full of other victims, chatting friendly with each other and not notice the screaming and crying and doctor's shouting 'TRANQUILIZE HER BEFORE SHE REACHES OUTSIDE'. No, it didn't bother us cause it didn't happen. That was a lie. The truth however, I had to sit in a room with other people drinking a laxative that taste something you get from cow's spit, urea and a hit of zesty lemon.
Then, I was asked to take of all my clothes and wear this small robe like cloth thing which actually makes you feel more naked then actually being naked. Figure walking around a room filled with other men and women while you are walking around with nothing except a small piece of cloth. Im fortunate to have only old people in the room with me. Or things could have been worst.
Needless to say, the day before I got victimised was not at all fun. I had to stop eating at 3pm, while I starve on laxatives again to allegedly empty your bowel. How did it go? If you know me, my experience are never cookies and milk. I was in the toilet for hours. It's getting pretty graphical at this stage. Have you seen a space shuttle launch? Essentially that is what happen, but the space shuttle is you, while the fire and smoke is not really fire and smoke, but something more evil and scary. If it wasn't the strap i had tied to myself, I would have definitely launch up from my seat into the oblivion. Thank you seat belt cause it was just plain violent. The disgusting part is over, now we get to the 'colonoscopy' part.
At about 11-12? I lost track of the times. it was my turn for the procedure. So I walked with the cloth thing around to the room with big huge machine with camera and stuff and said to myself, "If this ever appears on Youtube, someone is getting sued". I saw my doctor, who is a really great person but treats me like im 12. So i entered the room, not so scared as much as being hungry cause i havent ate in like 20 hours. Just my luck, I had 3 nurses, 1 is bad enough there are 3. I specifically asked for 3 male nurses, old male nurses (nar, im joking). So it makes me feel kinda weird off cause they are smiling while forcing a 17,000 feet tube up your kanush. How did it go? Well, the next few lines are worst then Hitler in undies running around asking for money. Truthfully, I didn't know. I was awake long enough to remember anything.
All I remembered was entering the room. The doctor said, "Hi karl, just lie down here on this soft...clean...bed. Relax and enjoy it'. Im like, am i getting a tube up my ass or am I getting my virginity taken away from me? Cause Ill be damn if i lose my virginity while I was sedated, hell no. Well of course im getting a tube up my ass cause essentially that is the plan....or so I hoped. There's I was on the bed, lying down, hoping my modesty is maintained after this. The doctor injected something into me and said "Oh shit!".
Being me, Im like WTF IS GOING ON?! WHY DID HE SAID OH SHIT?! OMG IM GOING TO DIE?! WHY SHIT?! WAS THERE ANY SHIT?! But before I could wriggle myself out from the straps covering my body. I was knocked out cold. Knock out cold way before I could call the police or any governmental body to prevent my modesty taken away from me. The other thing I remembered was gagging alot from the tube going down my throat, it was brief, like 5 seconds before the doctor had another oh shit moment and I knocked out again.
I woke up on my side minutes later in the hospital fortunately and not in some dumpster back alley somewhere in KL with a note that say 'yeah i had fun too'. Gosh the wild imaginations i have. I am fortunate to say everything was fine with me, thanks for being so caring and stuff. The results? There's are a little inflammation in my intestine which could be cause by a variety of stuff which he found very interesting, but i didn't find it interesting cause he didn't know the definte result. Second, my cholesterol is high, very high...too high infact for someone my age. My mum's face was a little side-winded so Im guessing thats not good. My cholesterol was 5.9 with is 0.7 of normal.
Im a little crossed as to why my cholesterol is high. No doubt that I eat alot but Im not fat right. Maybe im obese but the different type of obese. I don't know whats causing the cholesterol but as what Andrew Zimmerns once said, 'If it looks good, eat it'. In fact i will go eat cat food right now. CHeers
Editted due to loads of spelling mistakes and errors. It's not my fault, I was kinda high and still sedated from the anesthesia.
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